“I’ve been practicing different kinds of boundaries in my relationships, but I’ve also been hearing people talk about having boundaries with the news and social media. I tried limiting my time on apps and reading fewer articles, but I keep returning to the same bad habits. I feel bad about not keeping up with information or with people. What should I do?“
You are in good company. Many people these days feel overwhelmed while trying to stay informed. Many people worry about the impact of social media on their mental health. With oversimplified stories suggesting that all screentime is bad being paired with unhelpful suggestions to “just walk away,” it sometimes seems inevitable to just keep scrolling . Thankfully, when we explore our needs more deeply, we can discover more helpful ways of relating to news and social media.
Just as we learned with relationship boundaries, cutoffs are only one type of boundary. It is useful to know when to cut off access to some types of media, such as when they are harming you or spreading misinformation. But that will not change your relationship to media when you return, and there will be plenty of types of media that you do want to stay connected with. It remains important for you to stay educated on issues that impact you and others, to see the pictures of your friend’s new baby, to have access to updates about events in your communities, or to gain perspective from what trusted people share more easily or frequently in media spaces. When humans return to the same things repeatedly, it is often because it meets a need. News and social media can, when healthy boundaries are in place, meet our needs for information, connection, and growth!
If we remember that boundaries are standards or supports that let us stay connected sustainably, we can take notice of what about our media use is unsustainable and make plans around it. Are you unfairly comparing yourself to others and want to practice more balanced views of their lives and yours? Are you alone digesting difficult news and want to be purposeful about discussing it with grounded people you know? Is the content you are seeing all on one topic or from one perspective and would it help you to seek out multiple points of view or add more variety? Do you feel unsure what the information you are finding means for you in a way that you would benefit from keeping in mind a belief, philosophy, or principle to give you a sense of direction? Are you communicating with others differently than you would in other situations and not living your relationship values?
Each one of these things is changeable with a bit of practice and support!
Here are three kinds of media boundaries available to you:
1. Setting standards for how you treat yourself and others, just as you would anywhere else. Whether you are wanting to apply your communication skills better over social media or stop being so critical to yourself as you scroll, you get to put the same care and intention into your actions that would make sense in any other space.
2. Choosing an intention that is reasonable and matches your values. You might set out to be more protected from misinformation, to stay in touch with friends, or just have fun, depending on the media you are using. Having an intention in mind can let you better manage what you take in and how you interpret it so that your needs can be met more directly.
3. Planning how you want to respond to the things that have been distressing you. It is likely that you will have plenty of opportunities to replay your old media habits, and it will take conscious effort to practice a new habit in response. You might decide to take breaths before responding to a comment, unfollow or block advertisements and accounts that harm you, remind yourself that there are more perspectives than the one you are currently reading, challenge yourself to sit with discomfort when it can help you grow, share better information when you hear misinformation, or anything else that lets you create the environment that you want to be in.
Rather than thinking about interaction with media as an on/off switch, there is much more room for creativity if we consider it like a dimmer switch. You move the slider towards more engagement or less, based on the type of information you encounter and your need to consume it — or not!
Noticing our needs and patterns can be difficult for many reasons. You don’t have to do that alone. There is no reason you should have to be alone in figuring out what you want to change and what is in your way. Individual or family therapy can create an opportunity to think critically about how we all relate to media. The counselors here at Capital Crescent Collective are ready to provide that support whenever you are ready! Contact us today.
This post was written by Anna White, an experienced, neurodiversity-affirming independent therapist at Capital Crescent Collective in Bethesda, MD.